Dazzling Precious Treasures

Refined I'll become the most dazzling precious treasure

I'll be treasured over all the earth.

                              —Flyleaf

"C'mon Cassidy! Watch this!"

My little sissy screeched at me as she bravely leaped over the Dora sprinkler stationed in our tiny backyard. I watched with fascination as Dora and her blue watering can spun round and round in quick little circles, which made the water fly through air and splash on my toes.

I quickly slurped at my cherry popsicle as the electric drips of sticky red sugar came racing down my arm. My tongue was already a flaming crimson color, and I rubbed the stubby tip of the popsicle on my lips to make it look like lipstick, the kind fancy ladies wear. Long strips of grass were sticking all over my wet legs, making me feel like Oscar the Grouch. I licked the last drips of my popsicle so I could race through the sprinklers with my sister again. I abandoned my bare popsicle stick and squealed as I booked it towards Dora. As I was gallantly hopping over Dora's bloodthirsty watering can, I slipped on the mushy grass and sank into its muddy juice. I grabbed my sister's hand as she galloped by, and she made a splat as she plopped down in the swampy grass right next to me. We pretended we were horses and neighed at each other, knowing exactly what the other was saying. Giggles erupted into the sky, and the sunshine soaked them right up. Now, every time I step outside in the backyard and inhale rays of sun, I feel giggles permeating through, filling me with innocent, divine joy.

The past few days here have been so balmy and spring-like that I can't help but think of warm summer-time memories. I have some crazy, silly memories from being little, things like building umbrella forts with Anna in our front yard, fabricating very specific stories for my Polly Pockets to live out, and choreographing our own Olympic Opening Ceremony with a Halloween cauldron in my friend's basement. My house was always a toy-factory wonderland because my mom designed (and still does design) little girl toys, and my imagination spun circles so big and fast that I sometimes lifted myself off the ground like a helicopter. My bookshelf was always throwing up because it was so full, and the books that piled up beside my bed sometimes towered over me. From the moment I fell in love with words, I was immersed in an unbreakable romance that has kept me passionate ever since. I wrote poems and stories and made my friends play "library" in my room with me. I was always a little different in elementary school, but I was okay with it, cause all the heroes in my favorite books were different. As a confused and offbeat little girl, I made mistakes, I wasn't always good, but I learned to live. I learned to forgive and be brave. I learned to be myself.

In honor of a new year of Respect Life, I wanted to write something about the sheer beauty of living. Abortion is an issue I feel strongly about. It's wrong, and it's grasped the heartbeat and life out of millions of unborn babies who never even got the chance to climb an old grandpa tree or be embraced in a lovingly suffocating hug. In America, there are 265 abortions for every 100 live births (movementforabetteramerica.org). It's a scary truth about our society.

Abortion is awful, and although I consider myself pro-life, I think respecting life goes beyond simply being against abortion. We have to be willing to love each human life even after a baby is born and grows up. Respecting life is committing to love others even when it's hard or out of our way. Respecting life is befriending the outcast. Respecting life is encouraging someone instead of belittling. It's giving our time, and money, to people who are struggling. It's putting others before ourselves. Respecting life is more than being pro-birth, it's being fascinated by the beauty within each individual and doing all we can to help them find abundant life. That's pro-life.

When I think of all the fascination life brings me every single day, how can we possibly grab that from a baby who doesn't have a say and not allow them to experience this big, crazy world? I realize that some circumstances with pregnancy are difficult or unexpected and unwanted, and it's seemingly easier to abort a baby. But life, with all of its beauty and danger, is a miracle. Sure, this world is full of heartache and dull pain and sharp pain and fear and guilt and all kinds of nasty emotions, but our souls are extraordinarily bright gems that cannot be crushed or destroyed by the vicious hammer of the world. Jesus already won our souls when he defeated all things evil and painful. And he is intricately immersed in our diamond lives. We are his treasure trove.

little treasures

Our bodies are imperfect and will decay, but our silvery souls will always thump with passion if we choose life over a monotonous survival. The souls of the aborted babies are still very much alive. We can remember that when we feel ourselves drifting through the world, not actually experiencing its wonder. Let's allow ourselves to abandon stress and worldly pursuits for a little while, and learn to fall deeply in love with our own thrilling stories. The pages bleed with fiery letters that refuse to line up in order. We burn, not because we're always in pain, but because we are consumed with a spirit so wild and free it bursts into flames within us.

Life is precious. It is wild and unpredictable, dangerous and full of wonder. On this dreary winter day, I'm reminded of summery memories and cherry popsicles, and how blessed I am to be experiencing the joy and heartache of this lovely and scary world. I pray for all the beautiful women who feel that abortion is their only option. I pray for all babies newly born, that they may live a passionate and radiant life, wherever they may be. I pray for every human to realize how much of a gift their own life is, and that they may find the strength to share that extraordinary gift.

 Missing Cali right about now...

Happy cousins

Sing it out, boy you've got to see what tomorrow brings

Sing it out, girl you've got to be what tomorrow needs.

                               —My Chemical Romance

The Year of Being Brave

Courage, dear heart

              --C.S. Lewis

No. I thought. I'm tired of being scared.

I want to be brave this year.

And with that, I pointed my skis straight down the mountain, and flew.

Ahhh. 2015! It's a shining new year, and I have a formal chance to scrape off that frothy layer of gunk that sits stale in my mind and obscures my dreams. Now I can begin again with an ambitious and fearless mindset, and I can make my once-upon-a-time dreams become a reality. I ended 2014 and began 2015 in a lovely way-- surrounded with good friends and lots of laughter. I saw fireworks explode in an icy sky that reminded me of shattered glass, and I ate extra-yummy Reese's with my best friend in her familiar kitchen, in the middle of a quiet and peaceful neighborhood. With that, I know 2015 will be a good year. Blessed and bursting with opportunity and joy. And chocolate and peanut butter.

This year, I'm not making any specific resolutions, just some abstract goals that I hope will enhance the colors already on my canvas. I've determined that I don't want to use pastels this year. I'm going for full on splatter paint in intense, passionate colors. And after I've splattered, I'll roll around in the wet paint until I become a masterpiece myself. Then everyone I touch will be stained with color too. It's one of those years.

2015 will be the year of being brave. I guess if I could pick a "word of the year," it would be brave, or courageous, or audacious, or gallant, or spirited. Even if I can't travel all over like I want to, I'm going to imagine more often. I'll dance more, and sing louder, and make an effort to love myself. I want to recognize and appreciate the small and precious moments that are sprinkled throughout my days. I want there to be fire in my lashes, and like Mary Oliver, I don't want to be demure or respectable. Let me be wild and free. It's the most glorious and mysterious thing to be alive and healthy, in a world and life that means something. I won't be perfect this year, but that's not what I want either. I want messy and beautifully breathless.

2014 was a life-changing year. The experiences still tickle my heart and my tongue licks the sky to tell about them. It was a year of growth and finding who I am. It was chock-full of pure magic, joy, freedom, heartache, passion, fear, insecurity, anxiety, hope, and most of all, faith. But oh how lovely it was. I know I'm growing into someone, even though I'm not quite sure who she is yet. I've had my heart drop ten stories and splatter all over the place, but I've also had my heart feel like a glistening and musical beehive. And the bees lift me up, and I fly.

~2014 end of year recap~

My favorite experiences:
~Giving a personal talk to a group of middle schoolers on a church retreat. My talk was about prayer, and I found freedom in sharing my story. I hope it inspired those kids as much as they inspired me that weekend.
~Summer camp in Georgia. ( my blog post about that amazing week tells more about it). I grew so much in my faith. Pure peace does exist my friends! :)
~The peer counseling retreat. A lot of my favorite moments have been on retreats, but there's a reason for that. They help me realize there's more to life than the artificiality of reality!
~Going to six awesome concerts with even awesomer friends

My biggest accomplishment:
~I wouldn't say just one big thing, but a bunch of little things that string together like pearls to make a glowing, ivory chain of silvery memories. I guess keeping straight A's has been an accomplishment, with AP classes and such. Maybe getting my first job. Starting a blog has been incredible, and the response to it has been so humbling and dream-come-trueish.

My favorite place to visit:
~California, hands down. I feel so at home there. I loved going back last February and seeing California in Winter (another post that sums it up :) and, of course, smiling endlessly in the magical universe that is Disneyland. And Ethan's Bar Mitzvah was a neat adventure.
~Chadron, Nebraska has a place in my heart as well. The prairie is the most non-judgmental landscape ever, and I pour my heart out to the grass silently as we drive through it, with the sky as our destination. (read this post to understand exactly how I feel about the prairie)

Chadron in Winter. View from Grandma and Papa's window

The best meal is:
~Beau Jo's pizza in Idaho Springs. I had it for the first time this year, and holy Lord in heaven above. I never understood why people got so excited over pizza until now. I mean, you dip the crust in honey! It's a meal and dessert all in one!

If I have a free day, I like to:
~Cuddle up with a book and read, write, go running.

My favorite book:
~Okay, I'll just make a list of favorite books I've read this year, because how am I supposed to pick just one??
A Thousand Splendid Suns By Khaled Hosseini (sooo heartbreakingly good. It's about two women in Afghanistan during the 1980s/90s, and cuts deep into what sisterhood and love really are, and the tragedies women endure in that part of the world. I highly recommend if you want a book that leaves an impact.)
The Glass Castle By Jeannette Walls (Okay, so, I actually had to read this as my summer reading book for school, but it's so so good. It's a memoir about the author's childhood, and how she grew up with lunatic parents who knew nothing about parenting, yet she was able to break free and follow her dreams.)
Vampires in the Lemon Grove by Karen Russell (If you get tingles simply from reading a rich, delicious, artfully crafted sentence, read this book. It's a collection of grotesque and intriguing short stories, all to leave you breathless because of the author's ability to form a descriptive, beautiful sentence. I loved this one.)
Blue Horses by Mary Oliver (I got this for Christmas. It's a collection of poems, and they are so real and phenomenal and I want to be Mary Oliver when I grow up.)
The Invention of Wings by Sue Monk Kidd (She's another one of those authors who is incredibly talented and can form a luscious sentence. The story is captivating, and you won't be able to put it down. It's about slavery in Charleston in the early 1800's, and about the bond between the slave girl and the young girl who owns her.)

My favorite movie:
~I saw Pretty in Pink for the first time this year. I'm obsessed with her outfits in that movie!

One way I'd like to grow in 2015:
Spiritually--digging deeper into my Catholic faith. And of course, there's always more need for prayer and surrender.
Mentally--be braver, take more chances
Physically--I'd love to run a 10k this year. Maybe?

Other goals: less Facebook and Pinterest, more reading and writing. Less comparing myself, more appreciating what I have. Less stressing, more praying.

I desperately want God to take over my year. I want him to tell me what to do and where to go. I'm not allowing anyone else, not even my parents or friends, do this for me. I want him to lead me where he wants.

Here's to being brave. And flying on skis.

Happy 2015!

So, to start with my resolution of being brave, I wrote out all the things I'm stressed/scared about for the upcoming year. I put the list at Jesus' and Mary's feet, so to speak, and every time I see it, I trust that they are taking care of it. I guess now it's time for me to be brave, no burdens in sight!

 Peyton gave me an Olaf waffle maker for my birthday. An Olaf waffle maker. How can you not be completely overjoyed when eating an Olaf waffle??

 For Christmas, Grandma made each of us granddaughters a quilt. Mine is a Heritage quilt, so each square means something about our family. Notice the Elvis square...

 I'm in love

How exciting is this! A custom clipboard with my blog! And look how pretty it is!

On my birthday, Grandma and Camryn sewed a giant stocking for me so I could lay in one like I did as a newborn. There you go.